Funny Christmas Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Dear Santa, jut leave the credit card under the tree

Why is it that many people believe holidays are for feeling sad and melancholic about the past months? At Desygner, we think it’s quite the contrary! The holiday season is made to enjoy the present moments with loved ones and, why not crack up some laughter with these funny Christmas quotes we’ve collected especially for you to share with your friends and family.

Below you’ll find all sorts of funny Christmas quotes for any occasion: funny Christmas movie quotes, funny Christmas quotes from celebrities and other types of Merry Christmas quotes that will make more than one person laugh out loud!

Funny Christmas Movie Quotes

  • “One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.” – Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
  • “From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.” – Roundabout
  • “If you see a sign that says ‘Peep Show’, that doesn’t mean they’re letting you look at presents before Christmas.” – Elf
  • “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal!” – Home Alone 1 & 2

Funny Christmas quotes


  • “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Elf
  • “I didn’t come here to make an impression on anybody, I just came here to blow every last cent I had.” – Last Holiday
  • “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.” – Die Hard
  • “ For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be.” – Scrooged


Funny Christmas quotes

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Funny Christmas Quotes From Celebrities

  • “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfeld
  • “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?” – Matt Groening

Funny Christmas quotes


  • “Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking?” – Arlo Guthrie
  • “Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.” – Richard Lamm

Funny Christmas quotes

  • “The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” – Joan Rivers
  • “One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney
  • “ Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard
  • “Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
  • “Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.” – Wendy Cope


Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.


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Funny Christmas Quotes For Family

  • “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.”
  • “Now that the kids are out of the house, you can rest easy! Enjoy a relaxing and stress-free holiday.”
  • “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”

funny Christmas quotes


  • “What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.”
  • “I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”
  • “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”


Funny Christmas Quotes Only Adults Will Understand

  • “It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.”
  • “I hope you love the present you told me to buy for you. Happy Holidays!”

Funny Christmas quotes


  • “Time to get into the holiday spirit… gin, vodka, whiskey…”
  • “May your eggnog be spiked with plenty of rum to get you through this holiday season!”
  • “Ho, ho, ho. And, no, I’m not referring to your last 3 girlfriends.”


Funny Christmas Quotes From Unknown Authors

  • “If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.”
  • “I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.”

funny Christmas quotes


  • “Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.”
  • “Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.”
  • “Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.”

Funny Christmas quotes


We hope you enjoyed all of these funny Christmas quotes you can share with anyone you wish. And, while you’re at it, imagine how awesome it would be to create your own Christmas Cards with these funny Christmas quotes and print them, ready to hand out!


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Now that you’ve literally brought your Christmas card to life, it’s time to share it with the people that you had in mind all along the process.

Multiple sizes and a choice of paper quality gives the perfect way to share blessings of times past and future with family and friends.

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